Accepting the not understanding part of life.....

How God works things out in life is, and always will be a mystery to me. A line from the movie "Batman Begins" has always stood out to me, and just recently I've realized the truth behind it.

"You always fear, what you don't understand."

Fear I think is one, if not THE biggest paralyzer in the life of human beings. It's so true, we always fear what we don't understand. If we don't know what the next day is going to hold, we start to get anxious. If we don't have some kind of "projection" of what out next week will hold on our planners and smart phones, we can hardly function. When people ask us "what are you doing next week", it's like we're afraid to answer....I don't know. We are afraid of the unknown.

This has really been something that's I've struggled with as God has began to work things out in my life. As I've emptied my schedule and He has began to fill it up, more often then not, it's been on an as I go basis. Hard to accept? Yes. It has completely brought to the surface just how much I don't trust God, in return shown me how distorted my view of God is. We say that God is all powerful, completely loving to His children and the provider for your needs. We say our "God greater, out God is stronger, God you are higher then any other!" But when it comes right down to it, when we're in the fiery trial, we see that we don't truly believe like we tell everyone we do. Someone cannot follow God and have a small unbelieving view of God and His power. They have to see God as He is. HUGE, completely powerful, completely loving to His children, and a keeper of His promises. God has been walking me through this all summer this year, crushing false ideas and views of Himself and instilling in my mind will and emotions the truth about Himself. Instilling in me the ability to trust Him with the things in life that I don't understand.

Growing to understand His love,

Mike

Aching for more then this.....

It's like something has been eating away at me for a long time now. It's a whisper inside of me that is constant, persistent and grows in volume every day it seems. I'm no longer satisfied with existing, the thought of living the rest of my life making money only to die in retirement )which is the "American dream") is a suffocating thought to my mind. That's not what I was made for. I wasn't made to save my money and live comfortably. I have a longing to just be free from myself, free from expectations. Free from the empty fb statuses that flood my computer screen. I want to live, wild full and free. But most of all, I want more of my Jesus. It's a longing, and ache inside me that I cannot get rid of. It's a longing to be with Him, to leave this messed up world, to see Him in all His glory.

But I have to wait.Tthis is not easy. It's difficult to be so close and yet so far from the one person that you know you were made to be with. Nothing satisfies you. Not money, food, cars, music, abilities, not even popularity. Nothing satisfies my want to have the most of Him that I can, except Him. I don't think it's selfish to want the best thing in life........I know it's not.

Aching for more of Him......

Mike

Falling off the radar.....

By myself down at the point, a place on camp where the sandy soil turns to rocks, and the rocks reach a good ways out into the Kezar Lake finally coming to a point before slowly submerging and finally disappearing under water. This is where I was, alone. Camp fire had started, but something inside me pulled me away from it, away from the excitement, music, comedy and noise. I was alone, as far as no people being around me was concerned. Silent, reflecting on the past weeks, marveling at God's work in the lives of the campers and also in my own life. It's past sunset already, and except for the occasional passing boat creating a wake, Kezar is still and quiet. The small waves lapped against the lakes edge, such a soothing sound to me. Then almost as if someone flipped a switch, out came the annoying bugs of the night, whining in my ears, mosquitoes trying their best to treat themselves to my blood.

Standing up I walked back to the Crows Nest, "Mike's fortress of Solitude" as lot of guys on camp had named it. There were no lights on when I went up, so I laid back in the old beat up chair in front of my desk, propped my feet up, and the thoughts began to flow again. However this time, I thought through them as I spoke them out loud in prayer to God. As we talked, I realized that this is what had pulled me away from campfire. God wanted to spend some time alone with me. That just made me want to be there all the more with Him. Sitting there in the dark, I'd fallen off the radar for awhile, and it was a good thing. I don't do it enough. In the business of ministry it's something I have to literally fight for. I'm bad at letting God's work replace God at times, but He is teaching me.

The lights on my laptop blink on and off showing their activity, no sounds, except my voice as I talk to God, and the fan in the window quietly humming. These are the times I love. Apparently though my desires for God are still pitifully weak seeing as He has to draw me so often, rather then me just wanting Him enough to remember to pursue Him all the time. So part of my prayer is that He will instill in me an awe factor that will not die. Then I realize He already has. The gospel!

Mike